It's been too long since I've blogged. I think the main reason is because I have nothing to write about that I'm proud of. I've definitely fallen back into my old patterns. Late night eating, not being conscious of what I'm putting into my mouth. Although I've started eating fat ass foods again, I've noticed I've picked healthier foods because they taste better. A couple of times for lunch this week I made spaghetti squash with garlic shrimp and tomato sauce. Spaghetti squash tastes so good it makes me want to hump things. And humping things is a lot better than eating things. Imagine the calories I'd burn! I've thrown chicken breasts into the Crockpot with chicken broth, onions and rosemary and let them cook for 8 hours. Holy craphole. So good. Enough talking about food, it's making me hungry.
     A couple of missed nights of working out and a trip to the hospital because of stomach pain has really put a damper on working out. Also, getting drunk on the weekend and being hung over the entire next day doesn't help. And when I say the entire day, I mean the ENTIRE day. That's why I never drink, I lose days. Tonight we started the second phase of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. Pretty proud of us for even being able to move on to the second part of her death workouts. Phase 2 is a lot more fun than the first phase but it did make me feel like I had never worked out before. It didn't matter how cold it was outside, that crazy lady made me sweat balls. I'm hoping that this week stays more consistent and my fat fingers stay out of the shitty foods.

Ummm....

      Yesterday was Family Day and the YMCA was having a free Family Swim. I really wanted the kids to get out of the house so I suggested to them that we go. I really should have thought about it before I opened my mouth because going swimming obviously involves bathing suits. Wearing a bathing suit in public makes me want to vomit, cry and then apologize to anyone who sees me wearing said bathing suit. So...off we go. I must admit, there were a lot of pretty sites there. Some women wearing bathing suits a bit too small for them, some with bathing suits that needed a lot more fabric and some who clearly didn't give a shit what they were wearing. And then there was me. That fat girl trying to hide behind her kids and a towel. The towel obviously wasn't hiding nothing and the kid kept pulling down my bathing suit top which I'm sure gave some preteen quite a show of my nipples. (You're welcome) I must admit though, I was jealous of the women wearing bikini's that clearly should not have. I don't feel that I will ever in my life be able to wear a bikini. Hell, I don't even think I will be able to wear a bikini when I clearly "shouldn't" in public. So hats off to you ladies. The ones who have had babies and their little tummies were stretched to the max and are still strutting their shit in a bikini. Hell ya girl! This fat girl will eat a piece of pizza for ya! Okay well maybe not but you get what I'm saying....

Oh Jillian...

      Have you ever noticed that when you lose weight, you totally put yourself in denial of your clothes wearing ability? Once you find out that you've lost five pounds, you immediately go to your "This is gonna fit me someday" drawer and grab that pair of jeans that is roughly 6 sizes too small. Of course it's going to fit, you've lost 5 pounds! WRONG! I've tried my best to stay away from that drawer but I feel like when I put my clothes on, I expect them to look better. I've lost 7 pounds, I shouldn't look like a blimp anymore. *sigh* Wrong every time. I still look as fat as I always have. I need to lose more weight pronto.
     This week has definitely been a rough one. A cheat day turned into a cheat weekend and the workouts were few. It's always nice to have someone who you thought was a friend remind you that you use food as a "release". Kinda made me wanna "release" my dinner all over the floor. Jaedyn had her birthday today and requested taco's for dinner. I didn't really have the energy to make something healthy for myself and probably shouldn't have eaten as many taco's as I did. And then there was the birthday cake and ice cream (Bless my wonderful Aunt for remembering) It's odd how I feel so tired and lardass-ish since I've eaten a bit of sugar the last few days. I need to get back on track and take time to plan my meals again.

     We've added Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred to our workouts. That bitch is even frightening on a DVD. I can't imagine how badly I would puke and cry if she trained me in person. That totally explains why the people who are trained by her on Biggest Loser lose so much weight. Fear. I obviously need to incorporate a tiny but of fear into my workouts. I'm sure it's easy to find a ton of tarantula's to hang behind me on the treadmill so I just keep running Forrest Gump style. Life is like a box of chocolates and I gotta figure out how to get my fat ass to stop eating them.