Clean Eating...so I wash my food??

Look at the calories wash away!!

Alright. I've started with the research phase of my weight loss. It's quite obvious to me that skinny people take the time to sit in front of their computer and Google ways to find out how to get skinny. I'm on my way! I recently started following this fitness model on fb. Her name is Kelsey Byers and she used to be fat and now she's a banging fitness model. Even her before pictures are skinnier than I am...fml. Anypoop, she has a blog and talks a lot about clean eating. I had a blonde moment and assumed that I was fat because I wasn't cleaning my food properly. Judge me all you want, but I was pretty pumped that I could merely wash the calories off my food. I was wrong. You eat complex carbs, (uh ok?) lean protein, and healthy fat (pfft...like they exist) Okay, so in fat girl language that means nothing. So with a little further Google action, I think I've got this figured out. Lean meats are no problem, I really only like chicken and turkey anyway. Also, I've switched our ground beef to ground turkey since all that crazy E Coli stuff has been happening. The kids don't notice the difference and it's better for them. I always thought that carbs=bad so I figured you should avoid them, which obviously I have not. Upon further reading, it's actually not rocket science as to the good carbs and bad carbs. Brown rice, sweet potatoes, oatmeal not too bad. So this week's menu planning and grocery shopping should be an adventure. Lots of meat and veggies. The one and only thing I remember from school, is that you should shop along the outside of the grocery store because everything processed and delicious is on the inside aisles. So eff you inside aisles!!
My gym membership starts back up November 1st. So now I need to figure out how I'm gonna go there and not look like a dumb ass. When I go, I feel like people are silently making fun of me. I always have the "I just had a baby" excuse ready if need be. With Carter almost 7 months old, I'm not sure how much longer I can use that excuse. And now I Google....

Damn you Pumpkin deliciousness!

           One week down. Progress? Nope. Weight Loss? Nope. Motivation? Not really. I need to get my ass into gear. The last couple of days I've been feeling crappy and today I woke up with a face full of snot. Maybe that's why the scale says I gained 2 pounds. Yes, I'll go with that excuse today. I can honestly say, I'm lost. I literally have no idea where to start. I went to Walmart with no plan and bought food that looked healthy. Pretty sure I haven't eaten any of them. I don't know if I should be doing cardio or lifting weights. Stretching or swimming...gah...so lost. Tomorrow I'm gonna figure this shit out. Tomorrow...one of the words that I've become very familiar with...ugh.

I have such a love-hate relationship for you!

           I've also come to realize that I've come into quite a food routine. On the weekend, I went out by myself for the day. When I go to the mall, I always go to Starbucks. I have a soft spot for Pumpkin Spice Latte's and they have this ridiculous control over me. Anywho, are you aware that a Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte is 360 calories. I'm sure if I were to get it without whip and with skim milk, that would cut the calories, but let's be honest with ourselves that's not going to happen. So after walking around the mall, drinking my cup o' calories, I leave to head home. Hey, did you know that Dairy Queen has Pumpkin Pie Blizzards this time of year? I do, because my fat ass stopped for one of those too....Why? Because I had no children with me and I wanted ice cream and didn't want to share. Well let's take a moment to Google the calories in a mini Pumpkin Pie Blizzard. Note- I ordered a mini Blizzard so I wouldn't feel so bad about eating it. HA! Alright, Google search done. A MINI Blizzard is 370 calories. So with just those 2 delicious yet disastrous treats, I consumed 730 calories. Wow...and I'm having a hard time figuring out where to start? Allow me to punch myself in the face for being such a dumb ass. Step 1 tomorrow...figure out all the extra unnecessary crap I eat and then don't eat it. :)

Ain't like it used to be

Their smiles are deceiving...

I'm not sure if it's been more than 5 years since I've worked out at home, but it definitely ain't like it used to be. It's going to be interesting incorporating children into a workout. I was dead set on starting the Jillian Michael's 30 day shred today and then I realized that not only do I have a six month old slithering around on the floor, I have a 5 year old home who wants to play. Hayden goes to school every other day so there are some days that working out is easier than others. We recently set our Wii back up and Hayden has the Wii Fit Nickelodeon game. After a quick game of Mario Party, which I whooped his butt in, (NO MERCY!) I decided to play his Wii fit game with him. I'm not sure if I'm incredibly unfit or if he is just a hardcore little boy. While doing the Backyardigans relay (yes, Backyardigans) he's screaming at me to move faster! Have you ever hustled your ass running on the spot because a 5 year old is barking orders at you!? It's intense! Don't even get me started on the Diego rowing game. "Mommy, there's a waterfall!!!! ROW ROW ROW!!!!!!" It's one thing to see a little Diego character disappointed but when your kid has to show you how to do it properly, you feel like a tool bag. I forgot how huffy and puffy the Wii can make me! I'm sure if I spend an hour dancing like MJ, that's gotta count for some cardio. Maybe if I set Carter up on the floor, I can use him as a hurdle and make my house an obstacle course....hmmm...I've never been more excited to go to the gym as I am now. However, in the back of my mind Hayden will be screaming at me to move faster. Motivation at it's finest.

Flu...eff you!

This is an actual picture of me....lol

Well yesterday started off with a bang. A big ol' bloated, crampy, I hate being a girl bang. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then you obviously have a penis and for this week, you're the enemy. What a horrible time for mother nature to make a pit stop. Eff. All the ambition and determination I had before, out the window. I just wanna lie down and die quietly and then to make matters even better, I woke up today feeling flu-ish. I did fairly well with staying away from food that I know is bad for me yesterday. The pumpkin pie oatmeal was actually really good and it filled me up until lunch. I opted out of having a coffee from Tim Hortons and had a green tea and honey at home instead. I think I could get used to that. I'm sure green tea has 1000 things that make it good for you, so that's a plus. Both yesterday and today, I have little want to get up and be active. I put the dishes away this morning and got all light headed. Going for a walk is not high on my list, unless it's to go to the bathroom and die.

I went to Walmart yesterday to pick up some food of the healthy genre. Now my fridge is packed with random bright fruits, green leafy things and crunchy veggies. I realize I have no plan. I'm a planner. I make lists for everything. I've decided to use my time being sick to meal plan. It only makes sense to have everything written down in front of me. So now I get to go on a Pinterest scavenger hunt to find recipes and such to make. Food+Pinterest should make me feel better! Here's hoping I wake up tomorrow and feel human again. Maybe if this flu makes me start to puke, it'll jump start my weight loss....lol

Big ol' thumbs down
for today

Day one....Normally the easiest day of a diet. You're all pumped and determined to start it. You don't need crappy food! It doesn't own you! See you later fat! And it begins....
I woke up this morning and weighed myself. Please note: I will never let you know my actual weight. Well at least until I weigh 120pds which in turn means, I
will never let you know my actual weight. I'll let you know how much I've lost and/or gained but a lady has to leave some things a mystery. So bright and early, I woke up this morning and stepped on my scale. After double checking the ginormous number on the scale, I contemplated smashing it in revenge for it showing me a number I am not a fan of. Unfortunately, I need the stupid thing so after referring to it as the 'c' word, I put it away. I sure did call my scale a name. Last night before bed, I made crockpot pumpkin pie oatmeal. I'm not really a fan of oatmeal but I am of pumpkin pie. You win some, you lose some. I needed to make sure that I had something quick and easy to make for breakfast. Getting up with a baby all night means I spend the morning on zombie mode. Also I have to wake up the other 2, making them breakfast and doing hair and clothes and then getting them to schoool so it's definitely gotta be something fast. With full intention of eating this for breakfast once I dropped Jaedyn off from school, things changed. My cousin Bob had asked me if I could take him to Canadian Tire once I dropped Jaedyn off. No problem, I'll have my breakfast when I get home from doing that. Long story short, we stopped at McDonalds to grab him and Hayden breakfast and it turned into me eating a top of a muffin and an egg from an egg McMuffin. Damn it. I had full intention of not eating anything from there but damn you McDonald's, I did. So I blew day one....lol. I'm hoping that Matt gets home relatively early from work so I can at least take my McAss for a walk. The boys are both getting a cold and the weather is kinda crappy so I want to keep them in. Worst comes to worst, I'll run up and down my stairs until I McPuke. Tomorrow's a new day!!

Pumpkin Pie Oatmeal! I'm gonna eat you....tomorrow

I'm kind of a BIG deal...

It's been quite some time that I've been keeping a pretty big secret. This might surprise some of you, but I'm fat. I know, it's hard to handle, but it's true. I've been fat for quite some time now but with a recent pregnancy and big ol' dose of denial, it seems like I can't hide it anymore. Crap. Having always been the "fat one' but no one said it, I think it's time in my life to change that. I could say it's for health reasons, give you a story about how I wanna be around for a long time for my children. That sounds good, and sure it's a factor but really I just wanna be hot. Well, hotter than I am already. So after a billion failed diets, I thought I'd take it to the web and broadcast it to the world....actually just my facebook friends really. In preparation for this quest, I've decided to wait and start it on Monday...lol. Take the weekend, eat some crap and then jump right on the horse (hopefully I don't crush it) and go balls out on Monday. I literally have no knowledge in fitness and hardly any in healthy eating (obviously) so it's gonna be interesting. I'm sure I can google something fun. I leave you with a reminder of how GD fat I've gotten :)

Seriously....Wow....

No one should have that much fat bunch up while wearing a dress.

That boa ain't hiding nothing!

I do look banging but still a fatty.