Paleo???

         I've heard a lot about this eating plan and thought that I would give it a try. Why not? I've tried eating healthy every way known to man. After doing probably far too much research than I needed to, really I should have just started eating healthier while doing it, I think I have it all figured out. If following people on Instagram who ate healthy made you skinny, I'd be the skinniest bitch around. I found a 2 week Paleo meal plan that I based my grocery shopping off of. For those of you who don't know what Paleo is, let me save you a few seconds of googling it.

The Paleolithic diet consists mainly of fish, grass-fed pasture raised meats, eggs, vegetables, fruit, fungi, roots, and nuts, and excludes grains, legumes, dairy products, potatoes, refined salt, refined sugar, and processed oils.

          Realistically, there is no way I can justify paying for grain fed meat. I have three children to feed as well. Looks like I'm gonna be sticking to hormone pumped fatty cows and steroid raging chickens instead. I'm sure that it's a lot better for me and the kids to eat grass fed, organic stuff, but it's just not in the financial cards.
         Just like any good failed diet, I obviously cannot begin it on a weekend. With Monday just around the corner, that looks like the sure start date to my 'caveman' diet. I've decided to prep some food so I have no excuse to grab something unhealthy. I wish that it was simple enough to eliminate all unhealthy food in my house but if I don't provide my kids with some sort of sugary snack, they'll riot. Children are frightening now a days! Tonight I'm making Paleo chili, no beans in it...which is good cause beans are little balls of mushy grossness. Gonna chop a bunch of veggies for easy grabbing and boil some eggs.
       Now too eat as much sugar and shit food as I possibly can before tomorrow. Expect a crazy angry sugar deprived blog entry my tomorrow.

And we begin again....

       It's been a REALLY long time since I've blogged. To sum things up as fast as possible, things have fallen apart...fatly. I don't think it's really possible to pinpoint the time in which I switched back to Fattyville, but I'm pretty sure I've become the president. I developed an addiction to a little ditty called a Caramel Apple Fritter. It became my crack, and I'm not even sure what being on crack is like! The workouts stopped, the gym became vacant and I'm pretty sure I managed to become fatter. I've managed to stay away from the scale, but I can tell by my GIANT reflection on the mirror that shit got bigger. I began to tell myself that being healthy was obviously something that I'm not good at, something that I can't see myself committing to for the rest of my life. I'm not sure why it's so much easier to eat like a heffer but I'm really, really good at it. Life seemed to get the best of me and I put myself on the back burner yet again.
        More than ever, I definitely need to get fit. I got engaged a month ago and the only thing that stresses me out the most about the wedding is the way I'm gonna look. No girl wants to be fat on their wedding day. My biggest fear is that I'm going to look back on that day and regret that I did nothing to change the way I look. Anyone who knows me, knows that I do NOT wear tank tops. I can't stand the look of my giant arms and I really feel like it is a my responsibility to society to keep those giant eye sores covered. That creates quite a predicament for me and the wedding dress situation. Dresses with sleeves are kinda ugly. No offence if you've worn one, but that's just my personal opinion. Then there's the shawl route. However, everyone's gonna know that I'm wearing a shawl cause I'm a big fat fatty and not because I think it's pretty. I wanna wear a strapless dress that makes my boobs stand out and look fantastic. I wanna rock the shit out of it! So again, I begin my never ending cycle of 'getting healthy'. I suppose I should go into this new adventure with a more positive attitude. I do have a BIG goal and a fairly LARGE reward at the end of this adventure....let's see how this one lasts. I say 2 weeks....any bets? lol
     Oh ya, I'm still doing the Colour Run in August. The only training I've started is walking from the fridge to the couch. If that was an actual event, I'd win Gold for sure!

      It's been too long since I've blogged. I think the main reason is because I have nothing to write about that I'm proud of. I've definitely fallen back into my old patterns. Late night eating, not being conscious of what I'm putting into my mouth. Although I've started eating fat ass foods again, I've noticed I've picked healthier foods because they taste better. A couple of times for lunch this week I made spaghetti squash with garlic shrimp and tomato sauce. Spaghetti squash tastes so good it makes me want to hump things. And humping things is a lot better than eating things. Imagine the calories I'd burn! I've thrown chicken breasts into the Crockpot with chicken broth, onions and rosemary and let them cook for 8 hours. Holy craphole. So good. Enough talking about food, it's making me hungry.
     A couple of missed nights of working out and a trip to the hospital because of stomach pain has really put a damper on working out. Also, getting drunk on the weekend and being hung over the entire next day doesn't help. And when I say the entire day, I mean the ENTIRE day. That's why I never drink, I lose days. Tonight we started the second phase of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. Pretty proud of us for even being able to move on to the second part of her death workouts. Phase 2 is a lot more fun than the first phase but it did make me feel like I had never worked out before. It didn't matter how cold it was outside, that crazy lady made me sweat balls. I'm hoping that this week stays more consistent and my fat fingers stay out of the shitty foods.

Ummm....

      Yesterday was Family Day and the YMCA was having a free Family Swim. I really wanted the kids to get out of the house so I suggested to them that we go. I really should have thought about it before I opened my mouth because going swimming obviously involves bathing suits. Wearing a bathing suit in public makes me want to vomit, cry and then apologize to anyone who sees me wearing said bathing suit. So...off we go. I must admit, there were a lot of pretty sites there. Some women wearing bathing suits a bit too small for them, some with bathing suits that needed a lot more fabric and some who clearly didn't give a shit what they were wearing. And then there was me. That fat girl trying to hide behind her kids and a towel. The towel obviously wasn't hiding nothing and the kid kept pulling down my bathing suit top which I'm sure gave some preteen quite a show of my nipples. (You're welcome) I must admit though, I was jealous of the women wearing bikini's that clearly should not have. I don't feel that I will ever in my life be able to wear a bikini. Hell, I don't even think I will be able to wear a bikini when I clearly "shouldn't" in public. So hats off to you ladies. The ones who have had babies and their little tummies were stretched to the max and are still strutting their shit in a bikini. Hell ya girl! This fat girl will eat a piece of pizza for ya! Okay well maybe not but you get what I'm saying....

Oh Jillian...

      Have you ever noticed that when you lose weight, you totally put yourself in denial of your clothes wearing ability? Once you find out that you've lost five pounds, you immediately go to your "This is gonna fit me someday" drawer and grab that pair of jeans that is roughly 6 sizes too small. Of course it's going to fit, you've lost 5 pounds! WRONG! I've tried my best to stay away from that drawer but I feel like when I put my clothes on, I expect them to look better. I've lost 7 pounds, I shouldn't look like a blimp anymore. *sigh* Wrong every time. I still look as fat as I always have. I need to lose more weight pronto.
     This week has definitely been a rough one. A cheat day turned into a cheat weekend and the workouts were few. It's always nice to have someone who you thought was a friend remind you that you use food as a "release". Kinda made me wanna "release" my dinner all over the floor. Jaedyn had her birthday today and requested taco's for dinner. I didn't really have the energy to make something healthy for myself and probably shouldn't have eaten as many taco's as I did. And then there was the birthday cake and ice cream (Bless my wonderful Aunt for remembering) It's odd how I feel so tired and lardass-ish since I've eaten a bit of sugar the last few days. I need to get back on track and take time to plan my meals again.

     We've added Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred to our workouts. That bitch is even frightening on a DVD. I can't imagine how badly I would puke and cry if she trained me in person. That totally explains why the people who are trained by her on Biggest Loser lose so much weight. Fear. I obviously need to incorporate a tiny but of fear into my workouts. I'm sure it's easy to find a ton of tarantula's to hang behind me on the treadmill so I just keep running Forrest Gump style. Life is like a box of chocolates and I gotta figure out how to get my fat ass to stop eating them.

The 'Weight" is over...weigh in day!

      2 weeks down. Working out 4 times a week and eating as healthy as my fat little body can handle. After 2 weeks of trying my best not to order a donut, eating the kids school snacks, or trying to find healthier ways to eat the foods I love; it was weigh in time. I do admit, I feel a bit thinner. I think the best way to gauge as to whether or not you have lost weight is by your clothes. Well obviously if you step on a scale and it says you've lost weight then you've lost weight smart ass. Let me break it down for you. You've just finished the laundry and you're pulling your jeans out of the dryer. Your jeans are always at their tightest when you just get them out of the dryer. So if you put them on and they're not as tight, your fat ass has lost some weight! People can say all the time that their clothes are looser, but did you put those clothes on right out of the dryer? Probably not tubby...Anyway, steppin' on the scale time. According to the scale, I've lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks and by my measurements I'm down roughly 4 inches overall. I know that is something that I should be really excited about but I feel like I could have done better. Tubby Twin said she felt like all she could think about was the bad things she ate and how she shouldn't have eaten them. Along with that I thought about the things that I could have done to get myself moving. Rather than sitting and watching tv, I totally should have ran on the spot throughout commercials or something. It's really easy to be hard on myself so I suppose I should use it as motivation for my next weigh in.
      We've welcomed a new member to the Durant gym this week! We'll call her Chilly Chubby Chick. The gym is in a garage that is currently being heated by little area heaters and of course our incredible hot asses. This week has been so cold, it's almost impossible to sweat in that gym.(It could be that we're not working out that hard but whatever...lol) It definitely isn't a place for someone to come if they are already cold all the time. Chilly Chubby Chick said she's cold even at home, so it's definitely going to take some adjusting for her...lol

My week in food...Greek yogurt with strawberries and chia seeds;
cherry tomatoes and roasted chick peas; my muffins! and onions
sweet potatoes and broccoli...

    OH! I have tried baking something healthy on three different occasions recently. The first time baked some cookies that was basically oats, bananas and peanut butter. I'm sure it was mistaken for a recipe for dog treats because that's definitely what it tasted like. The second thing I baked was protein brownies. No, just no. I used WAY too much Splenda when I thought I wasn't even using enough. I could taste the fake sugar before I even put it to my mouth. It was ridiculous and frankly, made this fat girl sad. Finally, FINALLY, I tried making Strawberry Chocolate Chip muffins. They were good! I substituted regular brown sugar for Splenda and whole wheat flour for regular flour. Not only did they taste good but I don't feel like such a big fat failure when I'm eating them :)

Excuses, excuses

Best ever!

      Ohhh look, new template. People running seemed a bit more fitting for a blog about healthy eating and exercising (or lack there of). Also, it's orange and that colour makes me happy. Except when I'm wearing it, I look like a giant pumpkin waiting to be carved.
So with the first week down of actually watching what I eat and exercising, I'm feeling sore today. Normally this would be a reason for me to not work out. Actually I can probably list you 100 reasons why I don't work out. Here's a few of my fave.

1. I can't miss Vampire Diaries tonight, I better stay home. (I now PVR it, duh)
2. Ugh...my tummy is upset. I may vomit or poop my pants on the treadmill, I better stay home. (Now that I think about it, pooping myself on a treadmill would be pretty hilarious and think about the weight loss!)
3. I have too much to do at home, dishes; laundry; cleaning....(Why I ever thought I should stay home to clean is beyond me, allow me to smack myself in the head)
4. I have no one to go with, I don't wanna do this alone. (Why would I want anyone to come with me so they can see me panting like a fat kid at an all you can eat buffet)
5. I'm way too fat to be working out. (Not really much I can say about this one. It's like saying I'm too stinky to shower....)

       There really are no excuses that are valid anymore. It also helps that there are 2 other people waiting for you at the Garage gym, although Baby Arms used the "my daughter is too sick for me to come in" excuse last night. Too bad I literally live a 2 second drive away...damn it.
       The best part of this whole healthy eating this is I've discovered that I like to cook! I buy all these random new veggies and lean meats and try and figure out what to do with them. Yesterday I made stuffed peppers for the first time. I've never eaten stuffed peppers before and I'm glad no one was here to see it. I sat there looking at my pepper for about 5 minutes trying to figure out if I cut it, scoop the stuff out or what. I used the pepper as a bowl kinda, ate the stuff in the middle and then ate the pepper like an apple...lol It takes a lot more thought to eat healthy. Normally, a side would be french fries or something fried would be thrown on a plate with a burger or something. Now I try to figure out which ways I can make veggies. Baked, sauteed, or steamed. I didn't realize how many different ways you can make certain veggies. Broccoli in the oven with some garlic and lemon is so good it makes me wanna punch deep fried onion rings in their fatty face. The biggest problem I've had is drinking water. I really don't drink anything throughout the day. I need to find some way to remember to drink water. However, my lack of drinking water would be really beneficial for me if I was ever lost in the desert. Maybe every time I think about eating something unhealthy, I should water. I'm gonna be peeing constantly!!

Garage Gyming It!!

I'm definitely gonna wear this the next time I work-out

           Society has really put a damper on the way people look at their body image. We spend all our time assuming that the more attractive woman should be skinny. I've always had a negative opinion on the way that I look and assumed that I would look better if I was skinnier. The other night I was thrown a curve ball when my boyfriend said to me that he wasn't sure he wanted me to lose any weight. Are you kidding me? Obviously I haven't shown him my hideous naked body enough or he's miraculously erased it from his memory. He said that he was fine with the way that I looked and pointed out a few of my ASSets, that he was a fan of. Now I know it was incredibly sweet of him to say this, reassuring me that I'm not a hideous fatty but really think of it logically. How many guys do you see gawking at the chick at the beach wearing a t-shirt because she'd rather drown than wear a bathing suit? And I know I've never heard, 'DAMN look at the muffin top on that chick! I just wanna rub myself all over those fat rolls.' Flat abs? Pshh...give me a woman with stretch marks and I'm in boner heaven! I guess it's hard to believe that a real woman is something that a man can be attracted to.
          With quitting the gym I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to find ways to workout effectively. Wow, that sounded professional, ANYPOOP my cousin Bob was planning on making a gym in his garage. This was perfect because I needed somewhere to go and someone to help me stay motivated. Honestly, if you're looking to lose weight, grab two friends and weigh yourself in front of them. It's a truly life changing experience. They're lucky that I didn't weigh myself the way I usually do. Completely naked while crying and planning what I'm going to eat to make myself feel better. The less clothes I'm wearing, the lighter it'll be right?! Now I'm not the only one that knows my little fat ass secret. They do too. They know that at night sometimes you stop at Tim Horton's and get a donut while you're alone because you don't want to have to share with a kid. Of course they know, they've seen the number on the scale. What's even better is taking your measurements with them too. I've kind of mastered layering my clothing enough for people to think that I may not be as fat as I appear. It could be layers of clothing which in turn is going to make me more 'thick'. News flash, I'm really that fat. What helps even more, is having a friend who's significantly skinnier than you to partake in this little adventure. While doing our measurements, it was apparent that she was smaller in inches...everywhere. One would say she has the arms of an infant, so we'll refer to her as Baby Arms. I'm at the point in my life where if I was as thin as Baby Arms, I'd be a happy former fat girl. Also, try your best to find a friend who is exactly the same as you in almost every aspect of your body. We'll call her Tubby Twin. (I mean that in the most loving way possible) Tubby twin was brave enough to get on the scale first. Really, she should be given a 5pound advantage at the next weigh in just for having the balls to weigh in first. When I realised that she was the same weight as me, an unspoken competition began. Well I guess you could say that it's kind of spoken now. We've spent all week working out and staying fairly true to our healthy eating plans for the week. I've unfortunately had a coffee from Tim Horton's every day. Damn it Tim Horton's! I've mentioned you twice in this post, clearly it's one of the contributing reasons why I'm a Plump Princess. We decided that we were going to wait 2 weeks before we'd weigh ourselves again. I left my scale at Tubby Twin's so I won't be able to check how much I have sucked this week. This week I made mini goals to drink more water (I haven't really drank any) and to cut out Tim Horton's completely (someone MAY die this week).

*sigh...*

"little person" gasoline thieves.....

I had just finished ordering my medium Iced Capp, 360 calories of goodness, when the lady on the radio said that on this day, people statistically give up on their New Years Resolution. It was the 10th. So 10 days into the New Year, I wasn't the only one who had started to consume fat ass foods again. As my last post stated, I did pretty good. Made it to the gym, ate really good but then for some reason, this week sucked ass.I was too busy on Monday to prep for the week and thought that I'd be able to make healthy food quick. Putting together a salad and chopping up veggies takes a lot longer than I thought! When you've got one kid stuck under a bed screaming for help and the other one climbing the stairs when he shouldn't be, the last thing on your mind is making a healthy salad. I spent most mornings reheating my sugar loaded coffee and completely skipping breakfast. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I say you feed 3 kids breakfast, make their lunches, stop Carter from eating the cat food, find Hayden's matching sock, brush out Jaedyn's bed head, stop Carter from putting the cat food in it's water dish, find Hayden's other mitten, argue with Hayden to put mittens on, stop Carter from eating the cat food out of the water dish,  wrestle with Carter to get him into his jacket, still arguing with Hayden to get his mitts on, start panicking because we're going to be late for school and then finally get them in the van to go to school. Now you tell me how important breakfast is and when the hell I'm gonna find time to eat it. So obviously meal prep for breakfast is important. I've also decided that it's best if I cancel my gym membership. I know that going to the gym is going to be more beneficial for me, but I've found that finding the time is getting harder and harder. By the time the kids get home from school and Matt home from work, with dinner, baths and homework, all I want to do is sit and do nothing. I need to find time during the day to workout at home. I'm hoping that the snow decides to stay away and I get outside and go walk and eventually start running. Maybe when I don't sound like a 50year old overweight smoker when I run. Running outside is soooo much different than running inside on a treadmill. I can run forever on a treadmill and by forever I mean 20 minutes, which clearly is forever in fat girl talk. When I get outside tho, it's like I've never ran in my life and a minute is an eternity. I blame gross Trenton air, that's gotta have something to do with it right?

Okay, so new game plan. Meal prep is important as shit. Sunday night is the night. If I make things that are healthy to eat and can eat them while making a bottle and beating a level on Mario, then I'm set. Also, figure out workouts to do at home. My family is definitely gonna think I've lost my shit when I start squatting while doing the dishes and running on the spot during commercials, but really I think I'm slowly losing it anyway. Here's to another crazy week!

Burpee's = Death

          Almost a week into 2013 and if I do say so myself, I've done fairly well. Well until today, but today doesn't count...Healthy eating has been quite a journey. I find that if I throw a ridiculous amount of veggies into a bowl and squeeze a lemon or lime over it, it's completely edible. Boo ya! I've made it to the gym a couple of times with Trish and today I did my first at home Crossfit workout. If you're not sure what Crossfit is, look it up. To sum it up, it's death. Really fast paced, death move after death move. Makes a fat chick feel like a panting, sweaty Fatty McFatterson when you're done. Thank God I decided to do it at home, alone, while Carter napped. Seriously if someone had been home, they'd have tried to call 911 due to my inability to breathe and make coherent words. Okay, it wasn't that bad but still, it kicked my ass. Good ol' Pinterest gave me a 2 week beginner Crossfit program that I can do at home. Day 1- 10 burpees, 20 squats, 30 situps. Do it as fast as you can 3 times. Seems easy enough.

Let me break it down for you. First set- Burpees suck, but I can handle this. Pshhh squats please, I can bust out 20 in my sleep. Situps...no problem. Set 2- Oh wow, burpees are sucking even more and they are definitely not looking so pretty. Ohhh these squats are starting to burn. Situps, I feel you man. Set 3- omg...if I jump and then just fall to the ground, is that considered a burpee. Mother of God, these squats can suck my nuts. Oh good, I'm on the ground doing these situps. It's much easier for me to die on the floor. 

So glad I'm a girl

          I set the little stop watch on my Ipod to time this craziness. I surprisingly got it all done and in 5min 35 seconds. I've ran on a treadmill for half an hour and didn't feel this jello-y before. Best part about the whole thing is though is that I didn't bitch out and did the whole thing. Chest bump to myself!
          I've also come to learn that music is a very important part in my cardio. While I was on the elliptical (yes, I know. Elliptical's probably aren't the most calorie burning machines available, but I'm not sitting on the couch) I had my Ipod on shuffle. It was just playing whatever was in my music list. So I'm all jacked up on Gangman Style, heeeeey sexy lady and then my Ipod changes to country. Now don't get me wrong, I love country music but it is not something I can workout to. Talk about losing your cardio boner. Please note: I do not get a boner when I do cardio. Cardio does NOT give me a boner in any shape or form. So I need to make a playlist and stick to it so I don't go soft like a grown man who forgot to pop a Viagra during a run.

Happy news, signed up for the Color Run in Montreal. SO pumped for it!!

"I'm gonna motha-effing do shit" list

Get it girl!

Looks sooo fun!

It's that time of year again. The time where we get to reflect on the past year, realize that we've gotten a lot fatter than we thought and we make our resolution to stop being so fat. If I wasn't so fat, I obviously wouldn't be sitting here pondering what my resolution is going to be. If I had followed through on all my resolutions, I'd be the skinniest bitch around and trying to figure out which bikini I'm going to be wearing this summer. Resolutions are made to be broken, and I am the Queen of breaking them. So this year I've decided to make an "I'm gonna motha-effing do shit" list. It goes a little something like this. 1. Legit try to stop being a fat ass. Stop eating good for a week and then fall off the fat wagon. 2. Eat clean. People who eat clean are healthy and hot. 3. Yoga. I love yoga even tho it's probably not the nicest thing to watch. I apologize if you have images of me in the downward dog position, it's my goal to make that look less frightening. 4. Colour Run. There's a 5K colour run in Montreal in August. Google it, seriously. It looks crazy fun. I'm paying for it in January so I have to do it. There's no way I'm wasting $40! There's a few other things unrelated, skydive, tattooes and all that jazz but I really need to focus on the first 4.
This holiday season has been absolutely dreadful in the healthy eating department. Between Starbucks holiday drinks (Caramel Brulee make me wanna punch a nun they're so good), giant turkeys with gravy and baking; I got a wee bit more fat than my last blog. Seriously though, Santa didn't give me willpower for Christmas and tis' the season to be jolly. Jolly=fat fyi. So now, I get to head to the gym with all the other people who decided to change their New Years resolution to getting fit and annoy the regulars there. Hopefully I can keep going to the gym in February and beyond. I'm taking bets for when I'll fall off the wagon and rethink my game plan. I give it 2 weeks....lol

Damn you cupcakes!

Meal prepping like a boss!

It's been a good week! Kind of. I've been making a lot of random yummy healthy food. A couple of smoothies for breakfast (strawberry, banana, Greek yogurt and a bit of orange juice), some healthy cookies, prepped all my dinners for the week in one night. I've been on the train to healthy land. And then I made cupcakes. Damn it. Things were going splendid. The scale even said I lost five pounds (in which I think it's a big fat liar). When I bake things for people, I feel the need to taste it to make sure that everything is good. I make a few extra cupcakes and if they taste good, I go ahead and decorate the shit out of them. Well, when you're changing your eating habits and cupcakes are baked, I literally turn into the "fat kid that loves cake". Side note: they were really good, all 3 of them....*sigh*. Okay, so note to self, until I have a wee bit more willpower, refrain from baking or hire someone to throw rocks at me when I go to eat them.

Quinoa....really good!

I've never been one to eat breakfast but I have been trying to stay pretty consistent in eating it. The passed couple of days I've been pretty busy in the morning and missed breakfast. By like 11am, I'm starving! I'm definitely going to need either prep my breakfasts as well as my dinners or make sure I have the time to eat them. I feel that if I miss breakfast, by lunchtime I'd be willing to eat anything that's healthy or coated in grease or sugar. Most of the time, grease and sugar win.

Healthy cookies!! what what!

I haven't had a chance to get to the gym at all this week. I gotta try for sure this week. Carter's teething and sick (again) so there's not much sleep happening. Hayden and Jaedyn are coughing up lungs and Matt's work hours have been pretty scattered so I haven't had time to squeeze any gym time in. Must try next week seeing as how I have about 10 extra pounds of cupcakes to work off....ugh...

Fatty McFatterson.....

I'm loving this challenge!!

I've fallen off the wagon. Well more like broke one of the wagon wheels cause I've been eating like a big fat fatty. It's been 10 days since I've last blogged and I guess you could say I've been on a food bender. Wow, I totally know what it's like to be a drug addict...but in the food sense. It's been a really busy few days filled with calories, school projects, and birthday parties. My Dad turned 50 so we celebrated his birthday at Kelsey's. Earlier on in my 'healthy eating journey', I decided that I was going to look up the Kelsey's menu and find a healthy dinner to order. Didn't get around to that, probably because I was baking something and eating it. I figured that I would eat whatever I wanted at Kelsey's because I "deserved it". Yes, apparently I am a dog and I can reward myself with food. In anticipation for this "reward", I dug out my maternity jeans to wear. This should have been a sign that it was a bad idea. I anticipated stuffing my face to the point of my pants not fitting......oh man. One pulled pork sandwich, 2 giant glasses of Pepsi and free dessert later, I probably should have been rolled home. Gross. I've also come to realize that I'm an emotional eater. Sad face= stuff my face. Such a vicious cycle. On the upside of all of this, I've been making slightly healthier choices throughout my day that I normally wouldn't. I discovered that tossing some carrot sticks in olive oil and Italian seasoning and then baking it, makes me wanna hump the stove it's so good. I've found a delicious 12 grain bread that is amazeballs. I just need to keep finding healthy things to replace the not so healthy things that I love.
I managed to finish the second week of that fitness thingy that I was doing. Then stuff got busy, Matt was working longer. Projects were due, sleep was lost...I haven't been to the gym in a week now. Makes me sad cause I felt like I was getting into a "groove"....kinda like the butt groove I leave on my couch cushion. Must....get...back...to...gym.....

Food Anonymous Meetings?

Look at my sexy booody.....

I'm pretty sure I have an addiction to food. Despite the fact that I need it to live, as well as keep my wicked awesome figure, it has such a ridiculous hold on me. I had a wicked awesome week. Egg whites for breakfast, whole grain breads and salads for lunch and a protein and veggies for dinner. I didn't snack at all and actually ate a pomegranate for 2 hours (yes, 2 hours) so I wouldn't snack. And then the weekend came. A lot of people had talked about having a cheat day. I noticed while putting Jaedyn's hair up that she had head lice. What a perfect reason to eat horrible comfort food. So Saturday it was. We ordered pizza for dinner and bought chips and junk food. I know that when you have a cheat day, you probably shouldn't eat enough calories for the whole week. I didn't eat nearly as much as I had anticipated, but I felt like I shouldn't have eaten as much as I did. Now please don't imagine me sitting alone on my couch covered in crumbs with empty wrappers around me while I cry. That didn't happen at all. I threw the wrappers out....No but seriously. When you're on a diet or "shunning shitty food" as I like to call it, the idea of eating something that isn't good for you is a "bad" thing. I know I'm gonna feel like crap after I eat that donut, but that donut is going to taste soooo good. More times than none, the image of Fat Bastard from Austin Powers popped into my head. 'I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat'. Once I eat one bad thing, my mind is like "Hey fatass, you've already eaten a cookie, how bought 4 more" Luckily, I didn't let my HORRIBLE weekend ruin the start of this week.
Oh ya, I also went to the gym four times last week. 4 times! Proud of ma self! lol Hitting the gym tomorrow for my second week of Jamie Eason's live fit program. Jamie Eason is a cute little fitness model who seems to know her shit. Hopefully her program helps to firm my shit up...wait that didn't sound right at all....

Nakedness the final frontier.....

What gym is this?!!?

Tricia and I went to the gym the other day so she could sign up. I'm not 100% sure if there was an Aquafit class ending or just a regular swim but when we got there, there was a whole bunch of ladies coming out of the pool into the change room. Now I do not "change" in the changeroom. Let's be honest, if I did, I'd be hiding in a bathroom stall with my eyes closed while changing because even I don't want to see myself naked.  Well, these water logged ladies feel a lot different about being naked in front of other people. I don't make a habit of glancing at naked people in the change room so let's clear that up right away. However, there was one lady in all of her nakedness glory that caught my eye (and not just because she was rather large). Now this lady was large enough to make me look thin. I am in no way judging this woman so please, read on. So with trying to keep chatty conversation with Trish, I noticed that this woman was standing there talking to her friend completely naked. 100%, not a shred of fabric, I don't need a towel to cover me naked. Okay, I understand that it's a change room and these things are normal. But this woman was talking to her friend for a very long time, just letting it all hang out. What's odd is that I didn't once think that the woman was "gross" or needed to put her clothes back on. I was incredibly jealous. Even though the lady was close to 300 pounds, I was jealous! She had more confidence in every inch of her body than I did in my entire 28 years of existence. I hate getting naked alone when I am getting into the shower. If it was socially and hygienically acceptable for me to shower in a t-shirt, I would. This woman was giving the whole change room more of a show than I give my boyfriend on a night when I feel bad cause it's been too long. Too much info for you? Probably...ANYWAY, I'm not saying that I want to be that naked chick in the change room who's working it, but I would like to be that person who can at least not vomit in my mouth when I change in the morning. Mini goal? Yes. Get thin enough to not wanna cry and eat a cookie when I get naked. 

No kids=No willpower....

If you have children, this post will make a lot more sense than if you don't. Things are very different when children are either in bed sleeping or at a sleep over. That's when the good food comes out. The hidden food that you bought and don't want to share. Or the pizza that you order and you again, don't want to share. I literally share everything I have with my kids and very rarely do I do things for myself. I don't even poop by myself most of the time. Apparently, it's family conference time when I do my business. Warning to anyone who doesn't have children, once you do, you lose every ounce of privacy you've ever had. Anyways, back to the point of this post. So with both children gone this weekend, Hayden to his Dad's and Jaedyn to a friends for 2 nights, Matt and I ate horribly. Friday night we ordered Chinese food. I'm sure there's healthy versions of Chinese food that I could have substituted my meal for, but let's be honest, that's not gonna make this hefty mama happy. So in all it's deep fried, battered goodness, unshared Chinese food was a success. Then Saturday night while out doing some running around, for some reason the van decided to go to Taco Bell. We don't go to Taco Bell much and obviously the right time to go is when I've started a diet. I'm not even going to explain to you all the delicious calories I consumed but I do realise that I was probably born without willpower. 

The definition of willpower is 'self-control: the trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior'. I definitely have none of that. I feel like I use all my self control up in other aspects of my life. Containing my road rage can be a really daunting task and that takes an incredible amount of self control therefore I have no choice but to order Taco Bell to even things out in my life. If you've bought this excuse then I feel as though I have accomplished something. So, it's Monday. A new start to the week. And yet again, I see myself mentally preparing for a clean eating healthy week (with the exception of today) So with a teething sick coughy infant, a sick coughy 5 year old and a 9 year old's huge Castle project due, I begin on my quest yet again. Let the healthy eating, lame excuses and crying because I ate too many cookies week begin!!

Death to candy!

I've had FAR too many visits
from this fairy

         I'm not sure who thought of putting Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas so close together but obviously they weren't on a diet. Thanksgiving, we spend eating as much food as we can. This year I even contemplated putting on my maternity jeans to get a wee bit more room for pie. Then once we recover from Thanksgiving, we move on to Halloween. Although it is a day for children, it took over new meaning once I had kids. It meant I get to dress them up, send them out and I get to eat candy. Heck ya! This year I'm approaching things a little different. I'm hoping that I can keep the consumption to a minimum. I also realized via Facebook pictures that I haven't really dressed up for Halloween since I was like 14. I've never had the chance to be a "Halloween Whore" like many other girls have. I do have children so the last thing I want to do is embarrass them but let's be honest, every girl needs to have their boobs hang out as a "witch" or "fairy" once in a while. Let's be honest, if I were to stuff myself into a "fairy" costume, it would clearly be the scariest thing you've ever seen. So mini goal for next year, lose the gut and let the boobs hang out for a Halloween party. All I have to do is figure out how not to eat holiday baked goods until I can't move.
         So with trying my best to have some Halloween candy restraint I also have decided to designate a night for 'food prep night'. On Pinterest, there are a lot of different pins devoted to meal prep. I found one that gives you a good list of things to cook one night a week and keep in the freezer for the rest of the week. Boiling eggs, cooking chicken, cutting up veggies. Kind of no-brainer stuff that I clearer should have thought of before. It will be much easier to grab food already prepped rather than trying to make a meal while feeding Carter, helping Jae with homework and trying to figure out why Hayden is having another crying fit. As we speak, Hayden is freaking out cause he keeps dropping his Goldfish crackers and Carter is crawling his way towards the kitchen to destroy something I'm sure....
        Gym membership start back up this month! Not only am I pumped to work out again but I get at least an hour away from the madness at home...Thank you baby Jesus!!

Clean Eating...so I wash my food??

Look at the calories wash away!!

Alright. I've started with the research phase of my weight loss. It's quite obvious to me that skinny people take the time to sit in front of their computer and Google ways to find out how to get skinny. I'm on my way! I recently started following this fitness model on fb. Her name is Kelsey Byers and she used to be fat and now she's a banging fitness model. Even her before pictures are skinnier than I am...fml. Anypoop, she has a blog and talks a lot about clean eating. I had a blonde moment and assumed that I was fat because I wasn't cleaning my food properly. Judge me all you want, but I was pretty pumped that I could merely wash the calories off my food. I was wrong. You eat complex carbs, (uh ok?) lean protein, and healthy fat (pfft...like they exist) Okay, so in fat girl language that means nothing. So with a little further Google action, I think I've got this figured out. Lean meats are no problem, I really only like chicken and turkey anyway. Also, I've switched our ground beef to ground turkey since all that crazy E Coli stuff has been happening. The kids don't notice the difference and it's better for them. I always thought that carbs=bad so I figured you should avoid them, which obviously I have not. Upon further reading, it's actually not rocket science as to the good carbs and bad carbs. Brown rice, sweet potatoes, oatmeal not too bad. So this week's menu planning and grocery shopping should be an adventure. Lots of meat and veggies. The one and only thing I remember from school, is that you should shop along the outside of the grocery store because everything processed and delicious is on the inside aisles. So eff you inside aisles!!
My gym membership starts back up November 1st. So now I need to figure out how I'm gonna go there and not look like a dumb ass. When I go, I feel like people are silently making fun of me. I always have the "I just had a baby" excuse ready if need be. With Carter almost 7 months old, I'm not sure how much longer I can use that excuse. And now I Google....

Damn you Pumpkin deliciousness!

           One week down. Progress? Nope. Weight Loss? Nope. Motivation? Not really. I need to get my ass into gear. The last couple of days I've been feeling crappy and today I woke up with a face full of snot. Maybe that's why the scale says I gained 2 pounds. Yes, I'll go with that excuse today. I can honestly say, I'm lost. I literally have no idea where to start. I went to Walmart with no plan and bought food that looked healthy. Pretty sure I haven't eaten any of them. I don't know if I should be doing cardio or lifting weights. Stretching or swimming...gah...so lost. Tomorrow I'm gonna figure this shit out. Tomorrow...one of the words that I've become very familiar with...ugh.

I have such a love-hate relationship for you!

           I've also come to realize that I've come into quite a food routine. On the weekend, I went out by myself for the day. When I go to the mall, I always go to Starbucks. I have a soft spot for Pumpkin Spice Latte's and they have this ridiculous control over me. Anywho, are you aware that a Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte is 360 calories. I'm sure if I were to get it without whip and with skim milk, that would cut the calories, but let's be honest with ourselves that's not going to happen. So after walking around the mall, drinking my cup o' calories, I leave to head home. Hey, did you know that Dairy Queen has Pumpkin Pie Blizzards this time of year? I do, because my fat ass stopped for one of those too....Why? Because I had no children with me and I wanted ice cream and didn't want to share. Well let's take a moment to Google the calories in a mini Pumpkin Pie Blizzard. Note- I ordered a mini Blizzard so I wouldn't feel so bad about eating it. HA! Alright, Google search done. A MINI Blizzard is 370 calories. So with just those 2 delicious yet disastrous treats, I consumed 730 calories. Wow...and I'm having a hard time figuring out where to start? Allow me to punch myself in the face for being such a dumb ass. Step 1 tomorrow...figure out all the extra unnecessary crap I eat and then don't eat it. :)

Ain't like it used to be

Their smiles are deceiving...

I'm not sure if it's been more than 5 years since I've worked out at home, but it definitely ain't like it used to be. It's going to be interesting incorporating children into a workout. I was dead set on starting the Jillian Michael's 30 day shred today and then I realized that not only do I have a six month old slithering around on the floor, I have a 5 year old home who wants to play. Hayden goes to school every other day so there are some days that working out is easier than others. We recently set our Wii back up and Hayden has the Wii Fit Nickelodeon game. After a quick game of Mario Party, which I whooped his butt in, (NO MERCY!) I decided to play his Wii fit game with him. I'm not sure if I'm incredibly unfit or if he is just a hardcore little boy. While doing the Backyardigans relay (yes, Backyardigans) he's screaming at me to move faster! Have you ever hustled your ass running on the spot because a 5 year old is barking orders at you!? It's intense! Don't even get me started on the Diego rowing game. "Mommy, there's a waterfall!!!! ROW ROW ROW!!!!!!" It's one thing to see a little Diego character disappointed but when your kid has to show you how to do it properly, you feel like a tool bag. I forgot how huffy and puffy the Wii can make me! I'm sure if I spend an hour dancing like MJ, that's gotta count for some cardio. Maybe if I set Carter up on the floor, I can use him as a hurdle and make my house an obstacle course....hmmm...I've never been more excited to go to the gym as I am now. However, in the back of my mind Hayden will be screaming at me to move faster. Motivation at it's finest.

Flu...eff you!

This is an actual picture of me....lol

Well yesterday started off with a bang. A big ol' bloated, crampy, I hate being a girl bang. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then you obviously have a penis and for this week, you're the enemy. What a horrible time for mother nature to make a pit stop. Eff. All the ambition and determination I had before, out the window. I just wanna lie down and die quietly and then to make matters even better, I woke up today feeling flu-ish. I did fairly well with staying away from food that I know is bad for me yesterday. The pumpkin pie oatmeal was actually really good and it filled me up until lunch. I opted out of having a coffee from Tim Hortons and had a green tea and honey at home instead. I think I could get used to that. I'm sure green tea has 1000 things that make it good for you, so that's a plus. Both yesterday and today, I have little want to get up and be active. I put the dishes away this morning and got all light headed. Going for a walk is not high on my list, unless it's to go to the bathroom and die.

I went to Walmart yesterday to pick up some food of the healthy genre. Now my fridge is packed with random bright fruits, green leafy things and crunchy veggies. I realize I have no plan. I'm a planner. I make lists for everything. I've decided to use my time being sick to meal plan. It only makes sense to have everything written down in front of me. So now I get to go on a Pinterest scavenger hunt to find recipes and such to make. Food+Pinterest should make me feel better! Here's hoping I wake up tomorrow and feel human again. Maybe if this flu makes me start to puke, it'll jump start my weight loss....lol